If you've ever met someone called Seymour Butts, you'll know exactly how the subjects of a new book felt when their parents gave them their "Bad Baby Names."
Aptly titled, "Bad Baby Names" lists hundreds of the "worst true names parents saddled their kids with."
The book is divided into sections according to what possibly inspired a particular peculiar name. From Addition Woodard in the math section to Zeus Whitehead in the Greek god section, there is plenty of strange names to widen the eyes.
And if simply strange is not enough, the book also offers the grotesque with names like Fat Meat Fields or Meat Skinner, both women. Throw in Goblin Fester and Acne Fester for the most awkward tea party of the century.
At least Oliver Twist, Tom Sawyer and Robinson Crusoe were nice enough names before they were canonized by their respective writers, but how about Ichabod Crane?
The writers, Michael Sherrod and Matthew Rayback, list them all with unabashed ridicule. Readers might recommend for Sherrod's and Rayback's next children Sunny N. and Benz.
The book is filled with wry wit that will make you start shouting out random bad names to anyone who happens to be passing by your study table in the library.
You should be just as likely to find this book on the back of a toilet as on a coffee table considering some of the names listed - you'll laugh out loud in either place.
Newlywed BYU students may be especially interested in this book in case they are thinking about calling their next child after their favorite Book of Mormon hero, Teancum, or perhaps after their favorite standby prophet, Nephi?
Though the book is being published in Provo, there is no Mormon name section (so cross your fingers for a sequel.) However, some of the names resourceful parents gleaned from the Bible over the last centuries may stand as an example.
Brothers called David and Goliath and a boy called Daniel Lion are tame christenings compared to the unlucky children, Chederlaomer, Mahershalalhashbaz and Shearjashub.
One possible entrant for the Mormon category could be Mahonri Moriancumer. Yes, there really is someone on campus with that name.
"Bad Baby Names" is published by Ancestry Publishing in Provo and is available wherever books are sold.
More real bad combinations
- Mary A. - Mary A. Mann, Mary A. King, Mary A. Crook
- Ima - Ima Bachelor, Ima Bumm, Ima Reck
- Wanna - Wanna Russell, Wanna Caudle, Wanna Towell
- Lotta - Lotta Land, Lotta Love, Lotta Luck
- Good - Good Council, Good Kidd, Good Dog
- Evil - Evil Goul, Evil Fox, Evil Trickery
Copyright Brigham Young University 18 Apr 2008
