By Nick Hartley
The whole problem started in the beginning, with our first parents Adam and Eve. Eve wanted what she could not have: the forbidden fruit. I propose that women are still being beguiled by that same serpent that was in the beginning. A former BYU bishop once said “Girls think that nice guys are boring and safe.” He acquired this insight during his numerous interviews with women who attended his BYU ward.
The “nice guy” is that guy who is nice, genuine, sincere and kind. Some women ask if this guy exists. I am here to tell you that he does. He is that guy you turned down last week when he asked you out. Yes, that is right. Last week’s rejection fits that description, but why did you reject him? Nice guys are no mystery. They go out of their way to do nice things, compliment women, and are therefore boring. That’s why nice guys finish last.
Women, I would like you to stop and think for a second of a nice guy in your life that is always there for you but for some reason you cannot see him as a future companion. Then I want you to think of the way you talk to your friends about this person. Would you not say something to the effect of, “We are just friends; we could never be more than that”? The nice guy is the person you talk to when the mean guy rejects you. When you are not asked out on a date he is the person you call so that you are not alone.
The nice guy enters into the “friend zone,” which is a zone that is impossibly hard to get out of. Once the nice guy tries to get out of the “friend zone” he becomes awkward and the relationship is never the same. But whose fault is it really? Some would say, “I do not find him attractive,” but I do not believe that to be true. It is not necessarily his appearance that makes him unattractive; it is the fact that he doesn’t play “the game.” There is no chase. He just isn’t the mystery man you have imagined yourself dating. Women, it is just as shallow for you to go for the mysterious, funny, impossible guy as it is for a guy just to go after looks.
Women fear they can do better than what they already have. Fear dictates what they do and who they date. Once women have something, they need the next best thing. They are never satisfied. This fear that women have causes them to go for the untouchable, the guy that does not want anything to do with them. When a woman pursues that kind of guy and gets rejected she says, “Why can’t I just date a nice guy?” She quickly forgets that just recently she rejected the nice guy who really did care about her. I believe that women have an inherent quality that makes them honestly believe that if they can already get the guy, they deserve a better one.
An argument that women often use is that they are victims of guys who take advantage of their emotions, just as the nice guys feel they are victims. Women need to take into account which kinds of guys are victimizing them. If they would just think about it, they would realize they are chasing the mean guys. The nice ones do not ever want to upset them, but since they do not go after the nice guy, they are just asking for trouble. Women, almost all of your problems and issues would be resolved if you would just stop rejecting nice guys, and give them a chance.
Guys, you know you have been treated unfairly in the past, but please take the following information into account and use it the next time you think about asking a woman out. If the good guy finishes last, then that means only one thing: the mean guys finish first. This is because a woman likes a challenge. Women know that nice guys are always available. When women get lonely they know they can always rely on you being there for them. Nice guys, you appear desperate because you go out of your way to be a gentleman. Women enjoy this game.
Someone has to change. Women, either give the nice guy a legitimate chance; or guys, become the mysteriously impossible guy the women are looking for. Play the game better than they do.
Nick Hartley is from Nyssa, Ore. He is studying athletic training at BYU.
Copyright Brigham Young University 6 May 2009
